Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
