There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
