Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
