even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
