i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize