If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it because I queefed?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize