youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
