at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
50% drunk capacity currently
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize