you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
