so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize