I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
