I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
