Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
