Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
