You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
