I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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