I want to make a zoo with you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
