I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
