the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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