Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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