did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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