my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
