cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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