Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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