whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
