I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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