I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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