i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
