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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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