Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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