eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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