you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize