just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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