i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
