Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
