I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize