How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
