I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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