cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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