i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my poor anus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
