I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
