Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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