I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
