blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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