We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
