Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
