we're chasing vodka with high fives
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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