so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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