I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
love makes seman taste better
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
