i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
