ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize