there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
