wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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