how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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