The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
