i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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