It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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