If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How external is "for external use only"?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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