I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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