Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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