Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
