The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
