we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You ruined the universe
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
