If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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