i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
