I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize