my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize