Already got asked if we're dating
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
